In the depths of silence
flowing against rhythms
of loss and love, without
your touch to help guide,
I am havoc into myself;
building barriers to cage
my own heart as though
I am not a carefree soul,
limited only to paper and
blue inked pen – but that’s
not us darling, together we
are rain falling and songs
playing on vinyl, creating
our own rhythms of love
to play against the silence
even if only we can hear.
While the sun bids farewell,
descending behind the skyline
of mountaintops, seducing the
dreamers while gently laying
their hearts to rest and tracing
the foothills in lazy patterns of
their minds, I am entranced by
another day – we, the dreamers,
wanderers, soul searchers of the
heavens, continue each day with
a dance of seduction led by the
sun and ending with the moon.
The skies of winter
have my name written
in pink and gray muted
hues, as though we had
been close friends once,
bonded together by the
falling snow within small
crevices of concrete and
truths, where the slightest
whistle was calling upon
the winds to join us – the
skies of winter are a lost
friend, long forgotten in
the blinding lights of the
holidays, buried inside a
forthcoming of snow as
though that were all they
had left to share with us.
In the darkest mornings
of early winter, when the
sun cannot separate from
the moon, and when I am
wrapped inside your arms
willing the day to continue
on with us blissfully in an
embrace, as though we do
not have responsibilities or
matters at hand not just of
the heart – those mornings
I am thankful for, those are
our little slices of imperfect
perfections, bound tightly as
the love of the sun and moon.
Life was beginning again
with the changing of crisp
autumn air and the delicate
scattering of leaves falling
to the warmest of embraces;
where our hands sought each
other more frequently, found
steady with the touch of love,
where our hearts beat faster,
lighting the stars on fire, and
where love was as delicate as
the changing leaves, together
we strolled the days hand in
hand, reliving fall and in love.
I watch as my love, my world,
begins to quake with the gentle
shakes of tears and silent pleas,
hovering in loneliness without
the touch of a delicate embrace
to ease away the troubled minds
of a heart left to break; with my
hands left grasping onto a shell
of the emptiness of another day,
I am left quivering in the silence
unable to mend my world, or fix
my own breaking heart, as I am
unable to save you from yours.
As the gentlest of escapes,
I’d close my eyes and you’d
become the dream fulfilling
all forms of fantasy, where I
never have to close my eyes
at night, never leaving behind
the beauty of your smile, and
where you and I can dance on
the moon, half steps as I twirl
you in time to our song set to
jazz; where we can travel all
of the world in the time of the
setting sun, painting our hearts
as one in shades of yellow and
red, where I can pull you close,
whispering my love in sonnets,
where I only ever wake myself
up, knowing you’re in my arms.
I curled up into your side
seeking warmth and truths
as you pulled me near you,
holding our breaths while
the last remaining seconds
of the sun had set, leaving
me with an overwhelming
loneliness of lies and chills.
You pulled me closer, as I
succumbed to the night –
Take me moon! Let me love
her again! Allow me to curl
into her arms, feeling every
ounce of her warmth, where
the moon cures my loneliness.
As the last page turns,
the leaves begin to fall,
replacing chapters and
metaphors for the crisp
air of autumn, reds and
oranges left dangling on
the branches as the story
lingers, gently lulling us
into a smooth transition,
where nights are burning
pages of our histories in
the flames, and we warm
ourselves inside memories,
counting stars and waiting
for the next story to begin.
I.
I sabotage my own happiness
as a fear of letting go – leaving
behind the struggles, the empty
thoughts and feelings in which
I had tried to drown, and saying
goodbye to my own madness as
the only friend I knew. I crush
my own spirits as I am afraid of
the safety I feel from loving you;
you hold my heart so delicately,
in a promising way I never knew,
with gentle whispers of affection,
adorning my once self-demeaning
thoughts with the aspirations of a
future of happiness with you.
II.
I am used to the bleak and weary,
the self-inflicted pain, fleeing from
all signs of happiness, but now it is
your arms that I am running to. I
have sabotaged all our days, in the
ruins of our nights, I see my faults,
I know I am wrong, please tell me
I am not too late.
III.
Before you I was afraid of all the
things I couldn’t understand, and
I let that fear drive me to depths
of my undoing, but then you were
there to save me, and I was afraid
of the glaring truth, that I could no
longer save myself. I threw away
all chances of happiness as it was
a feeling I couldn’t grasp, and now
I’ve become the master of sabotage,
wondering if I can find the strength
to save myself from truly ruining us.
Storylines in Verse 