Forty.

It was such a gentle cleansing,
with fragments of my former
self, falling in line with the rain;
the wind blowing and leaving
scars of days past, in debt to the
life I left behind, repaying my
sins with a promise of another
sunrise, one lasting chance left
to blow if the winds should shift
so slightly. It was a buildup of
my mistakes falling before my
eyes, dropping from the heavens
to show their past disguises and
remind me where I was headed,
with the passing of the storm.

Sunrise.

I had spent the last few moons
swirling around shades of blue –
reaching out between the stars
and blending the colors into my
favorite memories on repeat.
I was too focused on creating
the perfect shade of you, that
I never saw the splash of gold
and auburn appearing on the
skyline until long past the sun
rising, bleeding together new
colors for me to paint with; a
pleasant surprise after many
a moons cast in loneliness.

Lullabies

With the gentle waves of amber
granulated into the night sky,
binding stars into the darkened
scenes of heaven and fidelity,
there is a moon wrapped in the
embrace of my love, soothing
sonnets twice turned over and
falling with the rhythm of lost
laughter at the touch of hand;
gently and soundly upholding
the northern skyline with twists
of fate and desire, only casting
reflections against their heart
to help guide me back home.

Toy, in attachment.

Caught between lifestyles
of silence or whispers gently
rocking me to sleep, I was
burdened with decisions that
I had no control over – I was a
puppet playing with my own
strings, tugging and pulling,
alone with my thoughts in a
constant contemplation if the
only decision I had left in my
pocket was to allow the strings
to break. I didn’t want to flee,
it wasn’t in my nature, but my
wrists were burning from the
weight, and I was in need of
some comfort – I just didn’t
know if I could still rely on
you to be the one to save me.

Up.

Four a.m. comes
roaring through
my dreams, waking
up the sounds and
feeding on the
silence, spouting
promises and lies
on endless repeat
until I can’t
decipher in which
direction the sun
will come up; I
am in a trance on
autopilot, with
my heart in the
heavens, waiting
for my clearance
to come down.

Tango.

with a push to the winds
you are pushing back,
fighting for the control
I never once let you have;
becoming a master in a
game built for two, being
played by us three, and
I am at a loss as to what
the rules are anymore.
all I am capable of doing
is to keep pushing, hoping
that you’ll continue to push
back, and to fear the day
when you no longer do.

Fabricate.

In a brush of silence
painted on your sleeve,
fraying at the seems
with a hem of honesty
mixed with tainted chaos –
It is my favorite blend
of colors, discreetly
and artistically crafted
in your scent from
ages drawn with the
curtains, only coming
through with the days
past early September.
I am eager for the shade
to return, wrapping
myself in warmth and
boundaries, bidding the
sun to retreat and for
my days to feel like
home, once again.

New Day.

The silence has
retreated, creeping
past thunderstorms
and rolling tides,
breaking wind
storms and sonnets,
collapsing into the
hazed waves of
destruction and blue;
beyond the riffs
of water curling
against two words
with a lone promise,
the sun is rising
again, drying out
the absence, and
singing tales of
honey kissed rays.

Sandburg.

(For Ann Morse)

Back to the days of
Crayola and pop music;
when life was optimistic.
Before the Beats’ words
sprouted my ideas to the
heavens, rooting them in
foundations of debauchery
and debris – I felt home.

When prose was just another
word, and abstract meant
nothing in rhyme; when
words were lost without
blue ink to take notice,
back before odd numbers
became haunting, and
broken heart pieces ran
frantically through verse –
there was one to inspire;
a rose in the rubble.

A library of foundation
in my childhood recanted,
with books and metaphors
still springing up in
free formed rhyme today –
she was a model for the
curious, the knowledgeable.
With a love for dark
chocolate, set to illuminate
all seasons of fall, it is
her voice that I carry in
the outskirts of my mind,
creating pillars of hope
and discovery in my stages
of free verse and rhyme.

I cannot recall when my
words in ink first flowed
through me as my foundation
of love, yet I know she was
there with words and books
in hand, calling out
“Sandburg” as though my
tears couldn’t be more
proud to have a grandmother
like her, on my side.

Eleven.

I let that gnawing feeling
in my head and chest
get the better of me again.
I swore up a storm from
memories and destruction,
promising vicious lies
formed from what I chose
to believe as truths
but failed to save
when the waters rose.
It was my weakness no
longer wearing a disguise;
a friend from long ago
resurfacing in my debris
telling me the exact words
I had no business hearing
yet based all ration on.
Like the devil on my shoulder,
I had fallen in rebuttals
of false arguments with
my own self – my will power
had gone with the tides.