In the depths of silence
flowing against rhythms
of loss and love, without
your touch to help guide,
I am havoc into myself;
building barriers to cage
my own heart as though
I am not a carefree soul,
limited only to paper and
blue inked pen – but that’s
not us darling, together we
are rain falling and songs
playing on vinyl, creating
our own rhythms of love
to play against the silence
even if only we can hear.
In the darkest mornings
of early winter, when the
sun cannot separate from
the moon, and when I am
wrapped inside your arms
willing the day to continue
on with us blissfully in an
embrace, as though we do
not have responsibilities or
matters at hand not just of
the heart – those mornings
I am thankful for, those are
our little slices of imperfect
perfections, bound tightly as
the love of the sun and moon.
Life was beginning again
with the changing of crisp
autumn air and the delicate
scattering of leaves falling
to the warmest of embraces;
where our hands sought each
other more frequently, found
steady with the touch of love,
where our hearts beat faster,
lighting the stars on fire, and
where love was as delicate as
the changing leaves, together
we strolled the days hand in
hand, reliving fall and in love.
As the gentlest of escapes,
I’d close my eyes and you’d
become the dream fulfilling
all forms of fantasy, where I
never have to close my eyes
at night, never leaving behind
the beauty of your smile, and
where you and I can dance on
the moon, half steps as I twirl
you in time to our song set to
jazz; where we can travel all
of the world in the time of the
setting sun, painting our hearts
as one in shades of yellow and
red, where I can pull you close,
whispering my love in sonnets,
where I only ever wake myself
up, knowing you’re in my arms.
I buried my dreams whole,
in the raw hopes that they
would grow, taking roots in
a foundation of reality and
bursting through fantasy as
an open door; carelessly I
forgot to water them, none
too eager to behold magic,
I waited miles away to see
the progress of dead dreams
on the horizon, when I knew
as a whole, I was suffering.
I.
I sabotage my own happiness
as a fear of letting go – leaving
behind the struggles, the empty
thoughts and feelings in which
I had tried to drown, and saying
goodbye to my own madness as
the only friend I knew. I crush
my own spirits as I am afraid of
the safety I feel from loving you;
you hold my heart so delicately,
in a promising way I never knew,
with gentle whispers of affection,
adorning my once self-demeaning
thoughts with the aspirations of a
future of happiness with you.
II.
I am used to the bleak and weary,
the self-inflicted pain, fleeing from
all signs of happiness, but now it is
your arms that I am running to. I
have sabotaged all our days, in the
ruins of our nights, I see my faults,
I know I am wrong, please tell me
I am not too late.
III.
Before you I was afraid of all the
things I couldn’t understand, and
I let that fear drive me to depths
of my undoing, but then you were
there to save me, and I was afraid
of the glaring truth, that I could no
longer save myself. I threw away
all chances of happiness as it was
a feeling I couldn’t grasp, and now
I’ve become the master of sabotage,
wondering if I can find the strength
to save myself from truly ruining us.
I took a chance at romance,
swaying between the pillars
of you and I, where I could
grab your hand in an elegant
twirl, siting you, my moon,
to be the most beautiful girl,
as we lived happily, dancing
beneath the sky. With every
step, and every spin, I held
your heart and pulled you in,
as we were lovers, braving
the night – I took your hand
and the dance began, as we
swayed gently, just you and I.
I gamble against a fear
of my own doing; I have
loved you once, burned
at the roots with solemn
words of affection laced
in your laughter, yet I love
you still, hardened by the
remnants of our truths I no
longer wish to see, folded
into our history as the sun
still kisses the moon every
night – I play on, dangled
by my roots, betting against
fear, holding only my heart.
In the hours faded from
your touch, the thoughts
creep back in, and I am
left to ignore the marks
of burnt skin from the
touch you once lovingly
gave another, even with
my name set in flames
across your heart; I fear
the reprisal and a replay
once more, where time
does not sing and ashes
are left behind to repair
strained memories, as
though even fear cannot
burn away the imprints
of another and where my
touch cannot replace them.
Storylines in Verse 