Ducky.

I went back to that pond in the park –
the platform of trees off to the South,
half a mile or so beyond the road
with the same family of geese circling
around the island, demanding to be heard.
There’s a little girl again, throwing
bread into the water, and screams of joy
into the air; such sweet innocent youth.
The mosquitoes are worse this time of year,
the grass growing taller here and there,
but dead to sun spots everywhere else.
We should have brought wine with us
last time – it’s refreshing in-between
the breezes that seem to rarely say hello.
I sat on the embankment to the North,
legs stretched out, close enough to hop
into the pond with only a tight jump.
We spoke of Colorado when we were here
last – planning out the next year
of the rest of our lives, beginning
with bon fires and whiskey this summer.
It’s not as warm here anymore, or
perhaps that’s just your absence.
The crickets are still chanting –
whether melancholy or desire, I’m
not aware, but it’s lovely all the same.
The sun is behind me, casting diamonds
in the ripples, pretending to be more
than just a little pond in the park –
things are always trying to appear
to be grander than what they are, and I
suppose that’s my own problem reflecting
itself at the bottom of a bottle of wine,
and too much exposure with the sun.
There’s a small frog croaking about
three and a half feet to the right of me –
if only you had seen him last time,
you could have befriended him, and saved
him from the ultimate fate that took
everything else away from here – if only.
I had gone to that pond again last weekend,
and I had seen that frog you were so eager
to catch, hopping about like life was grand.
I thought maybe you’d like to know.

Eleven.

I let that gnawing feeling
in my head and chest
get the better of me again.
I swore up a storm from
memories and destruction,
promising vicious lies
formed from what I chose
to believe as truths
but failed to save
when the waters rose.
It was my weakness no
longer wearing a disguise;
a friend from long ago
resurfacing in my debris
telling me the exact words
I had no business hearing
yet based all ration on.
Like the devil on my shoulder,
I had fallen in rebuttals
of false arguments with
my own self – my will power
had gone with the tides.

20s

with a laugh of innocence and gold,
sparkling sonnets and champagne –
I had never known true Gatsby sadness
until my Daisy had gone away,
leaving docks of green & broken pearls
with only pining left of my name.

Seven.

A subtle sprinkling
of kisses to ice,
falling in the streets
outside the bar
where we first met –
laughing and drinking,
meeting the sun
at dawn for rounds
six and eight.
Winter is coming again,
and I haven’t you to dance
the streets with
painting our coats
in snow and sighs.
So, come back my sun,
come back.

Six

Your silence
is what hits the hardest –
the complete absence
of the sun on the
warmest of summer days,
the unanswered echo
of my heart beat crashing,
the lack of laughter
vibrating down my neck
to the tips of my
blue painted toes –
your silence screams
sonnets at the bottom
of my whiskey, and
I can do nothing
but listen.

1, And then we weren’t forever…

It feels too early to be laughing –
a gentle crooning as the sun
is falling asleep, the bugs
singing chorus after chorus,
the songs of early summer.
This was your season, and my
laughter is hindering the
picture that I painted,
dreaming of these days –
you and I on the patio
with a few beers to our names,
counting down the hours
until the stars would appear,
simply because we had nothing
but time, just you and I.

But now we aren’t forever –
the crickets are mocking
in their mating calls,
the neighbors are whispering –
it isn’t fair that they
always loved you more.
Everyone loved you more, and
that was the problem, wasn’t it?

I can’t keep pretending that
I’m doing alright considering,
when I can’t even describe
the blazing heat of the
boulder that’s crashing down
on my chest every time
a spark of interest in a
memory of the two of us comes
screaming in, demanding to be heard.

No, this summer will be long;
with laughter evaporating
before it can even make
waves with the falling rain.

24 to write.

write.

I write this word a lot –
almost two dozen times a day.

It’s on sticky notes, my hand,
        it’s on my notebook –
        every single page –

it’s on my mind.

I write until I can’t remember,
sometimes I write to forget.

There are days when time sneaks away
from me, and then there are days
when I am part of the
        sixty six second minute.

That’s called fiction.

I can be in the right, or wrong.
And as long as I’m aware of that fact,
        I’m right, again. So no matter,
                I still win.

I have tried the whole rhyme thing,
but no good words rhyme with write.
        It’s too predictable, it’s too much.

I can’t commit to one poem about a word.
        It’s like a prison sentence.

That’s why I write it so much.
I space them, I slant them, I chant them,
and I rant about the whole process.
        because I can.

Creative Authority.
Artistic Liability.
Lack of editing, what have you.

I’m right. I’m still right.

And even when I’m wrong,
        write.

Fourteen

In an ice induced blaze,
I am struggling to keep
my head from drowning –
my feet are dangling,
grasping for any ground
to grab hold of;
my arms are stone cold,
too stubborn to grasp.
I was never the warrior,
too timid to fight back;
but yet I’m supposed to
keep fighting for you?
Give me a blade, a sword,
a word, or an anecdote –
I have nothing left beyond
a sigh of defeat
in a barren cause.
The cold too much,
the flames too high,
my battle never finished.
I have lost – a great burden
on the hopeful and enduring.
Now let me rest,
or leave me to drown.

City

it was jazz.
it was love.

on the streets, after dark,
and underneath the lights
of the city where the
stars were meant to shine,
but were hidden between

smog and smoke,
there was a note,
a key, a lyric,
and a voice.

there was love found
on this corner,
and there was compassion
in the music.

I heard him sing;
a raspy voice,
calloused hands
skillfully playing guitar,
with a mind
of dedication and more.

he called it jazz.

I didn’t think it was.
but I called it lovely, all the same.

Choices

It was nothing more than words;
yet no note, no apology, no voice.
The silence surrounding your actions
was speaking volumes past our memories.
A false tear to fall here, there –
mumbles about how that wasn’t home,
followed by sighs, and promises
that wouldn’t make it to the trash.

You let me hold you that night,
a truth that’d never pass your lips.
Perhaps, that was your goodbye –
a tell-tale sign of cowardice,
mixed with betrayal, and fatigue.
I was only searching for two words,
buried and set aflame in June –
just speak with me darling, come home.